she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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