I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
