I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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