Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
