Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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