The maid of honor just puked.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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