Princesses don't give blow jobs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
