NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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