I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
