i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
