Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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