The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
