i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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