The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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