Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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