I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
