she looked like the before picture.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
