I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
