38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
