eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
