WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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