Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
