one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
