Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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