I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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