and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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