Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
