You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
