so that wasnt chicken after all
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
