Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
