is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Are we still banned from the library?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
