Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
