Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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