i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
