RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
