obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
