she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
