This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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