he puts the penis in happiness.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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