Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
