whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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