guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
