hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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