My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
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You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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