my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
