I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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