This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
