If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
