Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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