it was like his penis was on wheels.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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