You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
