I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
