Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she peed on how many people?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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