Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
