i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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