Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
