at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
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You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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