Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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