Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
