im six kinds of drunk right now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
