Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
