Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...