fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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