blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together