awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that