Well douche your snatch and let's go!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.