if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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