we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
