Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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