porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize