Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
