do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
